I didn't expect that...

So as it is Tuesday night, I am at cards gaming. Everyone who knows me knows this, so when I get home and see the two messages, I assume these are telemarketers that didn't realize my answering machine was not me. (I must really be a dull person)

So the first message. My mom.

*smacks the forehead*

She was returning my call, after I left a message for my brother to have her call me ON MY CELL PHONE. It isn't a big deal, but it did frustrate me that I did not get to talk to her last night. See, she has to put in for time off next year right now, so if my parents are going to come down to AZ to visit, they need to decide now, when that will be. Anyway, it is too late now to call her, so that will wait for tomorrow.

Now to the second message, and the subject of this blog. After the mechanical voice tells me when the message was left, I hear another female's voice, and she is speaking English (for some reason a number of Spanish speaking women call my house). And three words in I realize who is talking to me (she eventually leaves her name to confirm it). It is a good friend Kim, back home in Washington. When I went home for my brothers wedding reception, I got to see Kim again, and I was like all flustered, like I was 13 seeing a girl for the first time all over again. She is married, and pregnant, but as soon as she has the kid, she is getting a divorce. The divorce was in the works for about 6 months, but in Washington you cannot get divorced if you are pregnant. So while we are setting up the reception hall we got to talk, but I am not as young (or fit) as I once was, so I was taking breaks every so often, as was Kim (being 8.5 months pregnant will do that to a woman, or so I am told) so while we were resting we got to talking about old times. And here walks up my confusion. At one point about 6 years ago, right before Kim was going to get married, I would have done anything for her. We had a good relationship, and I thought she was on the path to maturing into a very nice woman.

Then unfortunate events happened, and she decided to marry this jerk (as was pressured by friends and the church). At that point she (my perspective) broke off the relationship, and I was perfectly fine with that. She was a wife (not mine) and her husband didn't like Kim to have male 'friends'. So I never got responses to phone calls or letters. I was sad but for the last 5 years I was moving on. Now I don't know what to do. This is going to be rough for her (the divorce, and having 3 kids on her own, even though she is living at home) and I want to be there for her, so at the end of the reception, I told her to call me any time and I would be there with a sympathetic ear and what ever else was required. She mentioned as I walked her and her mother out (who I am good friends with BTW) that she thought I cut her off, not the other way around, and she had this weird smile as she got in the van and they left.

So, I don't know what to do. Strike that, I know what to do, but I don't know if I should do it. I want to call her back. I want to call her every day and see how she is doing. Heck I want her to move to AZ once the divorce is final so that I can be closer to her (or I could move home, but I can't find work up there). But most of all I don't want to screw this up. Maybe she just wants to be friends, and that is OK too. To be honest that might be better, as I am REALLY not ready for more responsibility. I can hardly do the activities that I have on my plate now (including work and sleep) much less devote any serious amount to time to a relationship (be it a friendship or something more). So tonight that started as such a benign evening, is turning out to be a turning point in my life. Maybe it is nothing, but I guess I won't find out until I call her back....

....

Game On!